Ingredient 2 - Secrets to solid sleep

Just over two years ago when I was up at 3am feeding my son back to sleep like I did every 45 minutes he woke and I realised the effect that the lack of sleep was having on my mental health! 

I was very low, not enjoying being a new mum and snapping at my wife constantly about things completely out of her control.  I was essentially wishing my sons life away just so I could skip to the part where I get to sleep again! Fast forward 2 years and 2 months and I am now up every 2 hours feeding my youngest, not as often or as torturous as the first time round but still I wonder, “how am I back here and what kind of person will I become this time round?”

Sleep is just as important to our mental and physical health as food and water, it can determine our mood, our concentration, how we interact with others and how we feel about ourselves.  A poor nights sleep makes us crave rubbish food, sugary drinks (my Coca Cola addiction started at the birth of my first) and generally feel dismal!

Our children are no different. Imagine taking an exam or dealing with a friendship issue when you’ve been up half the night worrying about something happening at school the next day, or there was a storm and you wanted to sleep with mum and dad.  Due to the increase in screen time and gentle parenting more children seem to be suffering from poor sleep and expected to just crack on as normal. Why are we expecting our children to function without one of their fundamental needs being met? How can we help them?

Well, during the dark days in early 2023, I read an incredible book called ‘Love to Sleep’ written by two mothers who had come up with a way to sleep train lovingly and effectively. They now have a very successful sleep consultancy business called ‘Calm and Bright’.  They made a success of sharing their own stories and struggles and I can honestly say this book changed my life.  Not only was it telling me that I was doing a great job but it also reminded me that sleep is only a problem when it’s causing an issue for you and your family.  For example, if your 9 year old stays up with you until midnight but the next day they are perfectly happy and rested as are you and nobody is affected then there is no problem.  But my guess is you’re going to end up with a very tired household if this occurs every night, meaning it is a problem and therefore should be worked on!

Children need 9-11 hours of sleep a night and there are many things we can do to help our children sleep better.  It’s important that as parents, we allow our children to learn to sleep solidly and get in the hours they need to effectively function.

Ditch the screens – whether you are the parent that cringes every time you hand your child an iPad or the kind that’s perfectly fine with them spending their days behind a screen, we are not here to judge.  It has, however, been proven that the white lights that come from screens can impact our ability to unwind and fall asleep.  The dream would be for your children to have 1-2 hours screen free before bed, however, life is busy and parenting is hard so understandably that’s not always feasible.  Try and get at least a 30 minute wind down period away from screens before your child goes to bed and this should help them fall asleep quicker and deeper.

Create a relaxing environment for them to sleep in - If your child is struggling to sleep, take a look at the environment they are trying to sleep in. Is it a calm relaxing space or is it scattered with toys and a ‘floordrobe’ in need of a good tidy? Help create a space where your child feels relaxed and calm. Make sure their room can be made dark and is free from stimulating white lights or loud noises.

Don’t let them eat too late - We all know the feeling of going to sleep on a full stomach and it’s not a nice one. Try and limit snacks after dinner and make sure they have a good hour or two before going to bed after food.

Keep a good routine - As we all know, children thrive off of consistency and routine. No, a bath every night may not be realistic but try and keep their bed time consistent with similar activities and wind down each night.

Put your child to sleep in their own bed - All children stir and move in the night just like adults do.  But when they stir, if they are suddenly in a different bed having fallen asleep in their parents room perhaps, they are then more likely to wake up and need comfort in getting back to sleep. 

Sleep will forever be my nemesis, having always been a bad sleeper myself, raising children has highlighted my difficulties and I am determined to not pass it on. All we can do is do our best not to let it rule our day to day life and put everything we can in place to give our children the opportunity to achieve solid sleep and meet this fundamental need. Only then can we expect our children to function properly and be the great little humans that they are!