Preparing Children for Christmas after a separation.

This Christmas marks my first in a new home after a separation, and it feels like my heart is breaking all over again. This year, my youngest son has said how he wants to spend more time in the old house, where he is surrounded by his normality.

As painful as that is I also am so grateful that he feels open to saying this and though it might be a touch of teenage selfishness he also doesn’t feel like he is being pulled from pillar to post.

I have always encouraged both my boys to be honest and open with how they are feeling and that I would do the same.

Below are just a few ways we are going to create a new and different Christmas and may be helpful to you:

Acknowledge Feelings Encourage your children to express their emotions. Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused about spending the Christmas differently. Validating their feelings creates a safe space for honest communication.

Create New Traditions Involve your children in establishing new family traditions that are unique to you. New traditions can build excitement and create positive memories.

Celebrate Togetherness If possible (and it’s a tough one) , plan activities that include both parents, whether it’s sharing a meal, online meet-ups, or joint present exchanges. This can help your child feel connected to both sides of their family and lessen feelings of division.

Encourage Communication  If your child misses the other parent or their old home, encourage them to talk about it. Let them express their feelings and share what they miss and help them find ways to connect with their other parent.

Prepare for Mixed Emotions Remind your children that it’s normal to have mixed feelings. Teach them healthy coping strategies, such as deep breathing, talking to someone they trust, or finding a creative outlet like drawing or writing.

Maintain Routines Keeping familiar routines where possible can provide a sense of stability. Try to stick to regular meal times, bedtime routines, and family activities that they are used to, as these can provide comfort during transitions.

Be Honest About Changes Give your children age-appropriate explanations about the changes happening. Keeping them informed can help them feel more secure and lessen feelings of uncertainty.

Celebrate Small Wins Recognise and celebrate the little victories. Whether it’s a fun family outing, a successful new tradition, or simply sharing a laugh, these moments can be a source of joy and resilience.

So, if your Christmas does look different this year, remember to not only be gentle and understanding with your children, but be gentle and understanding with yourself too. The thing that I learnt was to acknowledge my own feelings and difficulties, find my key people and lean on them for support. Remember to effectively support our children through dificult changes, we also need to support ourselves.